from the first blurry thought to the last drop of this afternoon's rain he has been there breathing inside my head even a child he was good at smelling danger fleeing from war he steered us clear of thieves murderers, carrion eaters rascals we feast on truffles and caviar father bought for the party always into mischief he hides things mother constantly looking for glasses, earrings, car keys at times he goes away long journeys it is a relief but I do miss him not much of a talker I do not know about the sights he visits nights in the deserted ruins walks in the rain forest one day I may find who he really is perhaps a Samurai or a Jesuit in disguise his love affairs? when in the mood he plays songs from the sixties slow dance we are back in Berlin in love with the same girl do not ask him to leave it scares us what will I do without him

seven times I paint the circle ugly black fail to cover the burning red of my rape square was not empty still some patchy daylight thick air absorbed my screams no resonance earth did not shatter one boy aloof melancholy not participating did not touch me why

in front of the balcony on opaque air slightly above the clothesline a snake charmer is dancing to the heartbeat of his cobra his jealous wife is not pleased starts a big fire flames destroy the illusion of a dance floor oncoming traffic splashing into water comes to a sudden halt the snake charmer plummets into the oleander bushes barely avoids heart failure witches of the north cobra's distant cousins hold counsel debate lawsuit damages bribes before consensus is reached the night-well dries up

stumble from body to body feel cold lips touch the silent heart your battlefield a collage of blood an empty graveyard you have killed every last one of them: children yours and mine mars my love my wedded prince your reign is now supreme in this desolation my soul craves company I freeze in your hellish heat your loathsome presence melts my bones at the fall of dusk you may find me defeated knocking at your door making your victory complete

Voices surround me. Hushed whispers. Atmosphere almost church. Not a soul in sight am I gone… blind? Yet I see the picture window bell tower beyond. An orchestra tuning instruments. Glimpse of an angel singing. Perhaps amen maybe hallelujah.